History December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010

not the kind of conclusion I have in mind.

turning 22 and looking 18. life doesn't seem like how i expected it to be. i really wonder what went wrong. what is it that i didn't do or did do tt things do not turn out as expected. maybe I am too idealistic. too naive. too wishful-thinking. too much. I can expect all that I want, but if it doesn't happen. it doesn't happen.

what I am feeling is a bottled up emotions of rage and disappointment. rage at the way turned out to be. disappointed at the way turned out not to be. I feel that though the world is spinning but things never progress. it just falls flat.

I used to like to talk alot, but now i detest it so not to squander it. I have this love-hate relationship with everything around me. I love it, yet at the same time I hate it. technically is everything but emotionally is just one thing - myself.

I love and I hate myself at the same time. I really tried to love as much, but consequently it has reverse effects on me.

I guess self-centered is the word to describe. it is like a monster that I keep fighting year after year after year. n i keeps coming back again and again. n that's my life as a sanguine that my world is my world.

but i know.. i need to consciously force myself to be God-centered. to put God first. to pray. to fast often. to go the extra mile to safeguard myself. especially at time when I feel nothing good is coming out of me, n alot of times.. i look down on myself tt I need to look up to God to constantly remind myself who has called me to be. a number 2. never a number 1. a 'behind the scene'. a ghost in the closet. whatever u can name it.

tired? yes. drained? yes. emotionally challenged? yes. give up? no.

well. used to life as it is. I like to ask people... "so how would u describe me?" an awkward pause and silence. as always n I would laugh often abt it. to mask it.

n that every well sums up who I am - an awkward silence. God and others in front. me at the back.

happy? happy. satisfied? satisfied.

cycle 2 is here. time to move on. focus n run.

Here is where my inner world hides & lies


Biodata: Male 55kg
Birthday: 24 March
Love: God. Revival Nation. Ushers Ministry. Children Church. Hangouts w friends. a good Laughter.
Hate: dead still Silent. playing Com games. watching Boring sitcoms. do nothing & Waste time.
Dream: to be part of something Great. to see lives change one @ a time. to be Riche Rich.

not the kind of conclusion I have in mind.

turning 22 and looking 18. life doesn't seem like how i expected it to be. i really wonder what went wrong. what is it that i didn't do or did do tt things do not turn out as expected. maybe I am too idealistic. too naive. too wishful-thinking. too much. I can expect all that I want, but if it doesn't happen. it doesn't happen.

what I am feeling is a bottled up emotions of rage and disappointment. rage at the way turned out to be. disappointed at the way turned out not to be. I feel that though the world is spinning but things never progress. it just falls flat.

I used to like to talk alot, but now i detest it so not to squander it. I have this love-hate relationship with everything around me. I love it, yet at the same time I hate it. technically is everything but emotionally is just one thing - myself.

I love and I hate myself at the same time. I really tried to love as much, but consequently it has reverse effects on me.

I guess self-centered is the word to describe. it is like a monster that I keep fighting year after year after year. n i keeps coming back again and again. n that's my life as a sanguine that my world is my world.

but i know.. i need to consciously force myself to be God-centered. to put God first. to pray. to fast often. to go the extra mile to safeguard myself. especially at time when I feel nothing good is coming out of me, n alot of times.. i look down on myself tt I need to look up to God to constantly remind myself who has called me to be. a number 2. never a number 1. a 'behind the scene'. a ghost in the closet. whatever u can name it.

tired? yes. drained? yes. emotionally challenged? yes. give up? no.

well. used to life as it is. I like to ask people... "so how would u describe me?" an awkward pause and silence. as always n I would laugh often abt it. to mask it.

n that every well sums up who I am - an awkward silence. God and others in front. me at the back.

happy? happy. satisfied? satisfied.

cycle 2 is here. time to move on. focus n run.